1.Its not that
A: I saw seven girls share one umbrella and none of them got wet.
B: Oh, that must be a very big umbrella.
A: No, it wasn‘t raining.
The preacher was vexed（生气的） because a certain member of his congregation（集会，圣会） always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. “All who want to go to heaven, please rise.” Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering “Be seated”, the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, “All those who want to be with the devil, please rise.”
Awaking with a start（吓一跳） , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit（讲道坛） , “Well, sir,” he said, “I don‘t know what we‘re voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it.”
Three pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft（阁楼） and attic at church. I’ve tried everything—-noise, spray, cats—-nothing seems to scare them away.
Another said, Yes, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry（钟楼） and in the attic. I’ve been had the place fumigated（熏制） , and they still won’t go away.
The third said, I baptized（洗礼） all mine, and made them members of the church…haven’t seen one back since!
4.A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.
“You‘re a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”