1.An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.”
The old man says without hesitation – “I now pronounce you man and wife.”
2.There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.
Son 1 bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.
Son 2 bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.
Son 3 had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.
Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, “Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it‘s really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it‘s too large to clean and take care of. I really don‘t need the house, but thank you anyway.” Then she confronted her second son with, “Son, the car is beautiful. It has everything you could ever want on it, but I don‘t drive and really don‘t like the chauffeur, so please return the car.”
Next, she went to Son 3 and said, “Son, I just want to thank you for your most thoughtful gift. That chicken was delicious.”（英语笑话 www.lyy5.com ）
3.MY ENGLISH PROFESSOR once launched into a lecture on “motivation.” “What pushes you ahead?” he asked. “What is it that makes you go to school each day? What driving force makes you strive to accomplish?” Turning suddenly to one young woman, he demanded: “What makes you get out of bed in the morning?” The student replied: “My mother.”