Peter joined the army when he was eighteen, and for several months he was taught how to be a good soldier. He did quite well in everything except shooting.
One day he and his friends were practicing their shooting, and all of them were doing quite well except Peter. After he had shot at the target nine times and had not hit it once, the officer who was trying to teach the young soldiers to shoot said, You‘re quite hopeless, Peter! Don‘t waste your last bullet too! Go behind that wall and shoot yourself with it!
Peter felt ashamed. He went behind the wall, and a few seconds later the officer and the other young soldiers heard the sound of a shot.
Heavens! The officer said. Has that silly man really shot himself?
He ran behind the wall anxiously, but Peter was all right. I‘m sorry, sir, he said, but I missed again.
The Best Stimulant
A patient said to his doctor, “Doc, please give me something that will stimulate me, excite me, and put me in a, very, very highly stimulated spirit, a fighting, excited spirit.”
So the doctor said, “Don‘t worry, take this, and after you see the bill, you will have all these feelings.”
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask Why do we have to learn this stuff?
To save lives. The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. So how does physics save lives? he persisted. It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school, replied the professor.
Tightfisted Till the End
When a very miserly（吝啬的） man nicknamed the “stingy ghost” died and went to hell, the Yama King reproached（责斥） him, saying, “You stingy ghost! When you were alive, you clung hard to everything and wouldn‘t give to anyone. Even when you saw others in poverty and misery, you refused to offer them help. Also, you didn‘t take good care of your parents, relatives or friends and let them suffer and starve. For your evil karma（因果报应） , you‘ll be dumped into a pot of boiling oil.”
The ghost wardens then escorted the man to the pot of boiling oil, and when they arrived, he looked at the pot and said, “Hey! Wait a minute! There‘s so much oil in it. What a waste! Please drain out the oil, sell it and give me the money. Then, you can simply dump me in a pot of boiling water! There‘s no need for oil. You‘re using too much oil to cook one person anyway!”