1.Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial.
The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.
The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained the trial to him. “You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you‘ll be eaten.”
The first apple went in… but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.
So he proceeded: 1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8… and on the 9th berry he burst out in laughter and was killed immediately.
Weeks later, the first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?”
“I couldn‘t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”
2.A guy goes to visit his grandma and he brings his friend with him.
While he‘s talking to his grandma, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off.
As they‘re leaving, his friend says to his grandma, “Thanks for the peanuts.”
She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off.”
结果祖母说:”唉！自从我牙齿掉光后，我就只能吮掉花生豆外层的巧克力了。（英语笑话带翻译 www.lyy5.com ）”
3.Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
Teacher: Please tell us.
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
4.Neighbor: I heard a big noise in front of your house last night. What happened to you?
Husband: It was nothing. My wife was a bit cross, and threw my overcoat out of the window.
Neighbor: Your overcoat? But how could it make such a noise?
Husband: I… I happened to be inside the coat.