1.I wasn‘t asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he
might miss his stop, he nudged（用肘轻推） him and said: “Wake up, sir!”
“I wasn‘t asleep,” the man answered.
“Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed.”
“I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car.”
2.A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a
nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.
When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy（同情） for him and decided to do him a favour.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again!
He walked to it carefully and slapped（拍击） it with all his strength.
On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched（紧握
的） and his right hand bleeding!
3.An Unwelcome Honor
A doctor came into the hospital ward and said to Mr. Johnson, “I have some good news and some bad news for you.”
Then Mr. Johnson said, “Please, give me the good news first.”
So the doctor said, “The doctors here are going to name an incurable disease after you.”
The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry（哨兵） . When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams（缝合线） .
“What‘s in here?” he asked.
“Dirt,” the driver replied.
“Take them out,” the guard instructed. “I want to check them.”
Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.
A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.
“What‘s in the bags this time?” he asked.
“Dirt, more dirt.” said the man.
Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.
The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender（酒保） .
Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, “Listen, pal, drinks are on the house（免费） tonight if you‘ll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time.”
Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender‘s ear and whispered, “Cars.”